legally or ceremonially?
My friend Matt asked me a question the other day. What is it that makes a marriage, the lgeal acknowledgement or it or the ceremony?
The question comes as a result of a couple I know who (and this isonly strong rumor) might have gotten legally married so they could live together(in a celibate way) until they got married in a church cermeony two weeks later. Matt's question was whether the church ceremony as only for show or not.
This also paralleled another case I knew (which I didn't tell Matt about) in which a couple at church had a 'Committment Ceremony' but did not get legally married. The reason for this was because the man would have lost some pension money or something like that if he had gotten legally married. Two opposite cases. Which one is marriage and which one isn't?
I believe that if I were the pastor, I would treat the second couple as not being married. The main reason is that they are not leaving everything behind to be with each other. Instead, they are bypassing the law for financial reasons but 'committing' to each other in the church. This is a classic case of trying to have cake and eat it also. This also ignores the 'for better or worse' part of being married. If getting married will cost you in a financial sense, then you need to ask whether you really want to marry that person or not. Your love for them should overwhelm any reasonable financial obstacles.
The other case is a bit trickier. What if you get married legally and then have the ceremony two weeks later? To an extent, it does not matter. What about couples who get married legally at the courthouse and do not have a large, elaborate ceremony? Does that render their marriage illegitimate?
It seems though I have leaning toward legal marriage being the defining moment. I think this is true. We arevencouraged by Paul to obey the laws of the land. For us in America, a legal marriage is one which is recognized by the government. Not just by a ceremony. All sorts of doors are opened by this thinking (thank you, Gavin Newsom)
The question comes as a result of a couple I know who (and this isonly strong rumor) might have gotten legally married so they could live together(in a celibate way) until they got married in a church cermeony two weeks later. Matt's question was whether the church ceremony as only for show or not.
This also paralleled another case I knew (which I didn't tell Matt about) in which a couple at church had a 'Committment Ceremony' but did not get legally married. The reason for this was because the man would have lost some pension money or something like that if he had gotten legally married. Two opposite cases. Which one is marriage and which one isn't?
I believe that if I were the pastor, I would treat the second couple as not being married. The main reason is that they are not leaving everything behind to be with each other. Instead, they are bypassing the law for financial reasons but 'committing' to each other in the church. This is a classic case of trying to have cake and eat it also. This also ignores the 'for better or worse' part of being married. If getting married will cost you in a financial sense, then you need to ask whether you really want to marry that person or not. Your love for them should overwhelm any reasonable financial obstacles.
The other case is a bit trickier. What if you get married legally and then have the ceremony two weeks later? To an extent, it does not matter. What about couples who get married legally at the courthouse and do not have a large, elaborate ceremony? Does that render their marriage illegitimate?
It seems though I have leaning toward legal marriage being the defining moment. I think this is true. We arevencouraged by Paul to obey the laws of the land. For us in America, a legal marriage is one which is recognized by the government. Not just by a ceremony. All sorts of doors are opened by this thinking (thank you, Gavin Newsom)
posted by jeff miller at 9:04 PM
1 Comments:
Something else to consider is that the Christian marriage service was a late development. I think it was thrid century. Up until then all marriages were civil marriages. They only became Christian marriages when the couple went to communion together.
For this reason, in the Orthodox church the divine liturgy (where communion is served) and weddings are the only services that begin with the same words. It is a reminder that the Christian wedding is truly the result of Communion of both spouses with Christ.
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